Astrid Tarot

Tarot Reader with a London edge.

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Light and Spirit

All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible. – T. E. Lawrence

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Facing fears

I believe our personality is made ​​up of many parts. Some parts are predetermined by our upbringing, some by our adult experiences, some can even be self harming. One of those is behavior patterns we adopted thanks to our inner fear. Anxiety can push us off our real life path and kept us hiding under the rock…

But… how to actually recognize those fears that are interfering with your life journey? It might be something rooted in your childhood or just a bad experience you once had and didn’t got the chance to cope with it properly. Most “popular” fears are Fear of loosing control, vulnerability, rejection of others, loneliness, emptiness..or just simple fear of getting hurt.

In this case our intellect is not always playing in our favor. It can easily rationalize our fear and create a behavior pattern. This pattern can become part of our self definition and once it gets there it will be very hard to get rid of it. Our mind got a lot of defense mechanisms to protect our self image.

This can go on for years and years. Fear can immobilize both physically and mentally. We keep living in our  fear-shell where we are seemingly comfortable. But this sword cuts both ways. Maybe not immediately but sooner of later it will.

So what I believe is the the terrible price we are all paying for not facing our fears? It is us, restrained from experience we probably need the most to move forward in our personal development…



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The Lord’s Flames – part 2

..How would you define darkness? Is it too many shadows or just lack of visible light? ….

The Gravel Forest is usually a very dim place. Soaring pine trees seem to reach the holy heights of heaven, leaving hell by its heels. I haven’t eaten anything for two days, but I was not even hungry. I had to go just a little bit faster. Arriving at that place after dark would be suicide.

White’s witch shed was almost at visible distance. The path is usually easy to find if she wants you to find it. The bright white light gleamed through the windows, leaving all life around the hut crawling away half blind, but for me the light was the guide that led me closer and closer to the door.

Once I entered the hut, the light become unbearable. The walls were soaked with lucid spirit reflected from an object standing in the middle of the room; an enormous golden bath. She was half submerged in rainbow colored liquid, half turned away from me.

“Finally, what took you so long….” her voice sounded like early spring breeze, soothing and soft yet cold as ice.

“You know why I am here so just tell me your price.” She started to laugh. The soft sound of thousands of crystal bells filled the room but she didn’t turn towards me.

“Well ..oh..well… You know my price already.  But my dear that’s the problem you’ve hardly got any soul left, you see?” She took a white, gleaming soap and started to foam it along her forearm.

“I will give you half of my heart.” She stopped lathering her skin, put the soap aside and she finally turned towards me. Her long silver hair framed her strangely beautiful face, or at least half of it. The other half was missing.

“You’ve got my attention now. But why would you want that Balm so badly? If you give me your whole heart I can save your sister. You know I could. The inquisitors are going to burn her tomorrow morning at the stake. She will be screaming like a jabbed pig when the flames of the holy fire will start burning her body to ashes.”

Her voice didn’t sound like bells anymore. It sounded like glass shards piercing through my body.

She started to laugh again. “Or are you really planning to do nothing to stop it?”

“Shut up! Half of the heart won’t be enough right? To fix what once used to be pretty face of yours. I will give you half of my heart for the Balm of Gilead. You go and get the other half wherever you want.”

She stopped to laugh and gave me annoyed gaze, but soon after she calmed down. “You are not as entertaining as you used to be. Oh well…There is not much left on you that would be worth something but I will settle for the half of your heart…”

When I left the witch it was almost morning. I wrapped the Balm of Gillead in a piece of old fabric and put it my bag. On my way out of the forest I saw a column of smoke rising from the City.  It was the inquisitor’s stake. Even though I had nothing to gain from sitting down and watching. I did. I felt burning pain filling my whole body. I stayed there until the last fire burnt out. Then I took my horse and went north to the Purple Woods to meet the Demon spirit of a Crimson Dawn. be continued.


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The Lord’s Flames – part 1

..the last thing I can remember is sharp pain and my left arm blazing with purple fire. It occurred to me if it is not because it’s always been my favorite color….

The tavern stench like dog piss. I was waiting for 3 hours already and Merchant was not even close by. Maybe I should have go on my own or maybe I shouldn’t go at all. But what difference does it make.. When I was about to leave, leaving a gold coin on the table. I felt Merchant is close. Good news, then..over all. I went outside to meet him half-way. He was all wrapped up in expensive brocade so heavy and thick he could barely walk and was sweating like a pig.

“Oh..there you are.. I thought you would leave..” Merchant’s triple chin was shaking like pork jelly while he was talking.

“So did I.”

“Jesus .. don’t look at me like that with that dazzling one-eye of yours. I told you I have to make some arrangements first.”

“..and I told you I don’t care. Do you have money and the map?”

“Of course, I do. Here you go, he should be somewhere around Purple Woods.” Merchant gave me a piece of paper, a map covered with fragments of notes and marks. It was hardly holding in one piece.

“Fine. See you in one week.” I turned the other way and was heading to stables to pick up my horse.

“Hey! Stop! And how about your sister? I have heard she is in troubles….” Merchant voice weakened in the distance before it disappeared completely and was covered up by the sound of the southern wind. I pick up my horse and took a closer look at the map. Location of the Cave Entrance was marked by red cross. Next to the cross there was a note “Get some Balm of Gilead”

That might be tough. It is fairly easy to find if you know who to ask and are ready to pay the price. My sister always got some with her, she would keep it in her pocket all the time wrapped in a piece of cloth that smells of lavender.. Burning feeling suddenly run through my chest. I was looking at the clouds for a moment and then pull my focus back to the map. None of the other notes seemed to have bigger importance and one on the side “Behold Violet Flame of Purification” just didn’t make any sense… at that time.

So I need Balm of Gilead. Fair enough. I knew somebody who will have plenty of it although she won’t entrust it to anyone that easily… be continued.


Interview with Phil Hine about Chaos Magic.

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This interview got 7 parts, you can all find them on Youtube and all of them are equally interesting.

It will possible resonate more with all the Aleister Crowley juniors out there so I believe that’s the reason why this video even more important for people who is either not directly familiar with his work or just rather disagree with it.

For those people the interview will be real intellectual challenge. (Especially recommended for all the religious people out there)

One of my friends recently got a great point, its great to meet people with same interest as you but this can lead to the situation when you are just confirming each other point of view instead of challenging it.

For the very same reason I would recommend for all the Thelemaphills to go and try to find an actual catholic priest.

If you would be scared to face opposite opinions you might miss very important experience that may lead to great move forward on your spiritual path.


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What 7 of cups teaches us about commitment phobia.

In Rider-Waite  Tarot system the 7 of cups card represents a person standing in front of 7 cups filled with various desirable objects. The cups look almost identical and they are not grounded but floating in the air. In a sense they are actually out of reach of the person standing in front of them but still within his sight. The very simplified meaning of the cards is to have more choices then one or building a flying castles.

I would like to focus on the “more choice” side of the archetype. Friend of mine recently told me she is feeling like she has to discover all things that are here, don’t really wont to commit to one thing because  she would feel like she is missing something..and I was thinking.. “missing what?”

Of course, when your life is consisting of repetitive stereotypes only that is a very troublesome BUT are you actually missing something by staying all the time at position 0? (yes, I am talking about Fool card) Isn’t that stagnation in the very same fashion?

As I believe the principles of life are universal and range from quantum physics to you having bad day. There is just one “Life”, one and only archetype that includes everything. In the light of this fact actually makes more sense WHERE exactly are you on your journey more then what are you following because it works on same principle.

It is like starting with a stamp collection…and then a coins collection… Different cups, but still the same experience of starting over and over again. Just like the cups on the 7 of cups card: identical and floating in the air, unless you go all the way down on your collector journey and turn it into real experience, then it doesn’t matter what are you collecting.

I used the “collector” metaphor to make the idea more “edible” but this can seemingly apply to other interests or even relationships in our life.

So I would say don’t be scared to get into some “heavy shit”. Yes, it can be a disaster, yes it can be painful and you might have to face your worst fears but  as at the end of the day you only benefit from it. 😉

Music and Tarot : The Death Card

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I love YouTube. I was looking for something completely different and came to this. What a brilliant idea : describing a tarot card with a music. Why oh why somebody haven’t got the idea before since it is sooo obvious.

In most Tarot related book, you will find smarter or less smart meanings of the card and some of the better books even got some “too many words” description offering some in depth outlook at the card. (Pointing out, that you should use your intuition anyway)

Intuition is not triggered just by eyes (common myth) but also by sounds, and if you are bit more sensitive then smells can do it too. I believe this might be a great approach to understanding Tarot cards : as full, all sense experience, where you can not just see the card, but also hear, feel and smell (not the smell of the paper! I am talking metaphorically!)

However, back the video, I like it a lot not just because I am fan of any macabre classical music (Dance Macabre -all time fav) but because of the mood of it, you got the sense of slow transition, place where you have to go alone, but you are not afraid of it anymore.

Death is making us stronger, it liberates our spirit. Unbind truth from fake. Set us free from pain and connect us back with the Source Of All Life.

It is one of the most remarkable forces ever given to us. It deserves our respect, not fear. 🙂